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Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock knock"
joke. Jack Bauer
found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the
goddamned
bomb was.

Jack Bauer's calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no
one fools
Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent
the next
half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location
of the keys.

There have been no terrorist attacks in United States since
Jack Bauer
has appeared on television. If you wake up in the morning,
it's because
Jack Bauer spared your life.

1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like
a fair fight.


If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels
like chicken,
but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's @#%$ beef.

Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

The state of California plans to reduce violent crime by
changing the
method of capital punishment from lethal injection to Jack
Bauer.

When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and
put it back.


Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are
conscious right now
is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.

Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun
and won.

Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was
addicted to Jack
Bauer.

Jack Bauer was able to eliminate Bird Flu playing Duck
Hunt.

Jack Bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

It's no use crying over spilt milk... Unless that was Jack
Bauer's milk.
Oh you are so screwed.

On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down "Violence"
as every one
of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer
solves all
his problems with Violence.

Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern
men.

If Rosa Parks was in Jack Bauer's seat, she'd move to the
back of the
bus.

Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone.

In order to control illegal immigration in the United
States, the
president installed cardboard cutouts of Jack Bauer along
the US/Mexico
border.

There is the right way, the wrong way, and the Jack Bauer
way. It's
basically the right way but faster and more deaths.

Jack Bauer doesn't speak any foreign languages, but he can
make any
foreigner speak English in a matter of minutes.

Kim Bauer was an accident. Not even the pill can stop Jack
Bauer.

In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the
world 4
times. What the f-ck have you done with your life?

Tony was once shot in the neck, rushed to the hospital,
underwent
emergency surgery and was back on the job in just a few
hours. Jack
Bauer still can't believe that @#%$ went to the hospital
first.

Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs
at Superman
for having a weakness.

When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for
help.


If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina
Meyers, and he
had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Stalin and Hitler so
they wouldn't
have to bear witness to what he'd do to Nina.

Don't ever ask Jack Bauer what is going on. He'll explain
in the car.

Jack Bauer teaches a course at Harvard entitled: "Time
Management:
Making the Most Out Of Each Day."

The truth may hurt, but it doesn't hurt as much as Jack
Bauer.

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.

Sun Tzu once wrote, "If your enemy is weaker, conquer him.
If he is
stronger, join him. If he is Jack Bauer, you're f-cking
dead."

When President Palmer quit to start doing Allstate
commercials, it took
him 43 takes before he could stop saying, "You're in good
hands with
Jack Bauer".

Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack
Bauer less
than an hour. And he's done it twice.

Men are ok with their wives fantasizing about Jack Bauer
during sex;
because they are doing the same thing.

You know Jack Bauer loves Audrey when he willingly gives up
the
opportunity to torture her.

Quetin Tarantino was asked to direct a biography about Jack
Bauer. He
passed. It was too violent.

If Jack Bauer saw a terrorist reaching for a bomb to blow
himself up,
Jack would shoot the bomb first. Nobody steals a kill from
Jack Bauer.

"Jack Bauer" is Arabic for "I'm f-cked".

There are three leading causes of death among terrorists.
They are all
Jack Bauer.

When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his
vegetables.

Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.

Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.

When Jack Bauer pissses into the wind, the wind changes
direction.

Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.

When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Jack Bauer
signal.

During the commercials, Jack Bauer calls the CSI detectives
and solves
their crimes.

One bank did a commercial with Jack Bauer in front of a
vault. They
haven't been robbed since.

Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to
tell about it.

Jack Bauer can leave a message before the beep.

You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him
drink.

Jack Bauer removed the "Escape" button from his keyboard.
Jack Bauer
never needs to escape.



:headbang:
 

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I want a Z06
Joined
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6,024 Posts
Haha thats great! :D :D :D

That show ROCKS! I just finished Season 4 Wed night, I got sucked in and watched the last 8 hours straight. I was hurting for work the next day, I dunno how you guys watch it week to week. I can't deal with the suspense, I have to see it all strewn together. Its tough enough watching it through Netflix and having to wait 2 days for the next disc.

I was reading that Jack Bauer signed on for 3 more seasons. :headbang:

I can't wait for season 5 to come out on DVD, Season 4 was great! :cool:
 

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Never ending process!
Joined
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2,288 Posts
It does kick ass.....I dont watch it every week..I record a few shows and watch them all at once on the midnight shift...I did just read on yahoo news that he signed until 2009 and there is a movie in the works, supposed to take place between a couple seasons.. I normally dont get to into a show, but something about this one..maybe the pace/"real time" aspect of it ??
 

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NOW AVAILABLE ON DVD
Joined
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2,284 Posts
TTA89 said:
Haha thats great! :D :D :D

That show ROCKS! I just finished Season 4 Wed night, I got sucked in and watched the last 8 hours straight. I was hurting for work the next day, I dunno how you guys watch it week to week. I can't deal with the suspense, I have to see it all strewn together. Its tough enough watching it through Netflix and having to wait 2 days for the next disc.

I was reading that Jack Bauer signed on for 3 more seasons. :headbang:

I can't wait for season 5 to come out on DVD, Season 4 was great! :cool:
You ever get Titus through Netflix like you said you was going to do??
 
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