How to tell a Ricer!

[forzfed]

How To Tell Rice

- You have more exhaust decibels than your engine has horsepower.
- You have aftermarket FRONT wheels for racing but stock rear wheels.
- Your engine makes twice as much horsepower as torque.
- You ever painted your wheels to match the same color of your car.
- You put your automatic car in neutral at every stoplight in order to roll it back and try to fool other people into thinking you have a manual
- DuPont gave up trying to figure out the shade you were asking for.
- Your mod list includes stereo equipment, shifter handle, MOMO steering wheel, PIA driving lights, exhaust tip, but no REAL engine parts.
- A chameleon lizard undergoes fewer shade changes than your custom paint scheme.
- Your rims and tires are so large, that you have to install the tire/wheel from underneath the car because it simply won't fit in the wheel well going in from the side.
- The dealer laughs when you bring your car back in for service under warranty, and you've only had it 6 months...
- Your tires / rims stick out from the lip of your car by more than 1".
- Your paint job is from the WRONG end of the color spectrum.
- You installed spacers on your STOCK wheels and tires to get them to stick out past the fender.
- You see cars like yours in a Shriner's Parade for Children and clowns are driving them.
- You bring a empty Maxwell House coffee can with you to compare size when you shop for an aftermarket exhaust system.
- Your Eclipse GS-T hardtop has a "SPYDER" emblem on the rear...
- Your knowledge of suspension is: "the more negative camber, the better the handling."
- You push your through the staging lanes. That way, maybe you can break into the 16s by keeping the motor cool between runs.
- You add a super tall rear wing, and a hundred pounds of aftermarket ground effects, yet you gut the interior and yank out the rear seat for weight savings.
- Your rear wing AND your rear window have a third mount brake light...
- The back lighting in the gauges in your A-pillar gauge pod work long before the actual gauges are hooked up.
- You cut 4 coil springs and scrape the chassis on the ground. Sparks are cool when you corner at normal traffic speeds!
- You have to find a way to drive AROUND speed bumps in a parking lot.
- You install clear corner and brake lights to be different.
- You install colored bulbs in your clear lenses.
- You ever put neon on the bottom of your car, and then busted it on the first speed bump you went over.
- You painted the UNDERBODY of your car to match
- If your rear spoiler is taller then you are.
- if you can fit fist f**k your exhaust tip
- You have more stereo WATTS than engine TORQUE!
- If your tailpipe extension is the most expensive mod you’ve done to your engine yet.
- Your tailpipe extension fell off during a quarter mile race and you went three tenths of a second faster due to weight savings.
- EVERY car in your class has a turbo pushing double digits worth of boost.
- You spent $5,000 on the engine and you can not out run a stock Camaro, Firebird, or Mustang GT
- You want the 'wastegate' sound, but don't want to install a turbocharger system.
- You think Nitrous Oxide on your Hyundai Sonata puts you in the same performance league as the Chevy Corvette.
- The automatic version of your car runs 2 seconds slower in the 1/4mile.
- If the 1970 Plymouth Daytona Superbird has a smaller spoiler than your car does.
- You think the Del Sol is a sports car...
- A torque converter does NOTHING for your car.
- You think a deep farty noise = the sound of high performance
- If you think that horsepower is far more important than torque
- If you have ever claimed that switching to a cone filter has given you more than 10 HP.
- If you have ever considered installing more than one set of fog/driving lights.
- If you claim that the aftermarket cold air intake system you just installed doubled your horsepower or took 2 or more seconds off of your E/T.
- Your baseball cap is always on backwards when you drive.
- You spent all night on the Internet trying to find a company that makes a turbocharger system for your Hyundai...
- If you removed your side view mirrors and put them at the TOP of the door / window frame.
- If you think the Fugees are 'speed' music.
- MOMO is 'absolutely required' to go fast.
- Your four cylinder has a dual exhaust system installed.
- Your four cylinder has four exhaust pipes ("Hey, one for each cylinder!")
- The color of your interior upholstery hurts the cones and rods in other people's eyes.
- If you cannot drive your car in snow as the ground effects create a plow effect.
- If you have installed driving lights to compensate for headlight blackouts / tape.
- If you think that 280 horsepower and 185 lb/ft of torque are impressive for a ‘mildly’ modified engine.
- If you have stickers on your car for parts that you could not point out if asked where those parts are installed.
- You think pushrods are a bad thing…
- Your car has more decals than you do the quarter in seconds.
- Every Honda you EVER owned, all the way back to your 1978 Accord was either a V-Tech or a TYPE-R.
- You took your rear seat out and gutted your interior for weight savings but you installed 400 pounds of electronics, neon, DVD, Sony, etc.
- If you gutted the interior to save weight on a car that you will never take to the track…
- You lean your seat so far back when you are driving, that everytime you hit a bump, its your back and not your butt that hurts.
- You have hydraulics and sixteen switches on a car you claim runs low 10s on the street and corners better than a Porsche.
- If you can estimate that your car makes more than 250 HP without ever running it at the track or getting a dyno reading.
- You claim that you can get a titanium block for your engine.
- If you have ever thought Hyundai and "PERFORMANCE" went hand in hand
- If you've ever gone to a parts shop or speed warehouse and asked for a 1" to 6" exhaust adapter...
- If you've ever contemplated adding "TYPE-R" stickers to your Sonata…
- If you've removed more than 1/2 of the coils from your springs by cutting them yourself ...
- If you have more neon lights on your car then a strip club...
- You put Kanji on your Ford ZX2 or Ford Probe...
- You own a "TYPE-R" Hyundai or Mazda.
- You couldn't afford headlight masking, so you just painted them with flat black Krylon and its peeling.
- You claim that polishing your intake gave you 5hp.
- You own a V-TECH Hyundai or Mazda (especially a V-TECH ROTORY Mazda RX-7)
- You have neon INSIDE your car or in your ENGINE compartment
- You ever claimed that high gas mileage made your car superior in performance to V8s.
- If it takes you 8000rpm to reach 30mph from a dead stop at WOT.
- You think yellow plastic interior trim makes your car cool
- You spend $500 for a giant hand welded tube for a muffler with the weld marks extremely visible
- If you paint your drum brakes to simulate Hi-po calipers
- If you install fake hi-po caliper / disc simulators
- You have a FRONT wing.
- If you lower your car and add ground effects but retain the stock 14inch wheels with disc style wheel covers
- If you equate the sound of performance with the sound of a Weed Eater™
- If you think bolting a fake muffler to one side to simulate dual exhaust is cool
- If you think colored head lights work better
- Clear tail lights and turn signals. They’re colored for a REASON!
- If you take mom's 4 door Honda accord and do any kind of mod to it
- You drive a Ford Escort station wagon with Kanji, wide tires, and Limp Bizkit stickers on the rear hatch
- You claim you lost the race because you had a passenger in the car.
- You claim how if you went from a roll you would have beat him.
- You claim you lost because you missed a shift.. and your car is an automatic.
- You claim you lost because he must have been on the juice..
- Flying past the person who is 10 car lengths in front of you after they have put on their brakes.. and claim a victory.
- after losing you flip your opponent off.. rev your motor and fail to break the wheels loose even around a corner.
- Tell everyone about how you lost the cop because of your "driving skills".
- you are a white kid driving an import.. wear baggy pants/hat turned around, walk with a fake limp and end every sentence with "yew know wha I'm sayin?"
- Your idea of aiming a handgun is raising your arm over your head, pointing the gun away from you, and then just letting your wrist fall to the side to where the gun is almost sideway ...
- drive around in a $20,000 import with $10,000 in mods.. and still live with your parents.
- You can relate to every line of the song "Pretty Fly For A White Guy" by the Offspring
- you take offense when I say.. "your sister is like your car.. small, tight and relatively easy to get into."
- the wing does make me go faster because airplanes have wings and they are fast, and so does my car so that means it's fast too.


- The Number One reason you might be a ricer if... (drum roll)....you are a skinny, backwards hat wearing, dog chain wallet, 2 ft wide pants leg, Limp Bizkit looking fag with a badly applied peroxide hair color treatment!

[Zap]

So, you are a ricer? dunno

[b4black]

forzfed:
- EVERY car in your class has a turbo pushing double digits worth of boost.

That's rice?

[Toadie's T-Type]

A couple of those are close to home for a few of us. At least the double Digit boost 1 is. "yew know wha I'm sayin?"

[forzfed]

Yes the double digit boost, but it doesn't apply to us because we have more torque than horsepower and our car isn't louder in decimals compared to horsepower, unless your Zap. He always makes the high revving motor sounds when he is sitting in his cars.

[FLR]

I like it! Very entertaining, especailly about the sister. I had to imports, but technically they are American since Chrysler owns Mitsubushi. I had two conquests.

Keep up the good work! headbang

[Orlando_87GN]

How about: "If you can drag race in a 45MPH zone without breaking the speed limit, all the while wrapping through all 5 gears".... loser

[Just a Six??]

Very Good & Very Funny!!!
See you got the "peg" humor!!
Left in 81 for Toronto but born & raised until 21 in St. Vital. headbang

[boosted6]

i take offense to: - You push your through the staging lanes. That way, maybe you can break into the 16s by keeping the motor cool between runs. my brother has a 95 integra LS and we pushed the car between runs and he managed a 16.3 with a bad clutch, and a c.a.i. and that was his first time there. and trust me, even tho his car is an import, it'll NEVER be rice!!!

[87gninpa]

i like the one about the pillar guages. at the honda dealer i work for, we always get this one 98 accord that comes in with a boost and egt guage on his pillar and the motor is completely stock.....

[turbofish38]

Not to hi jack your thread but:

I saw the movie "Surviving Christmas" this weekend. Movie kind of stinks, but probally the best part is when the father brings home a mint perfect looking 1970 Chevelle SS396 and he asks his teenage son "Well, What do you think?" and the stupid retard replies "It's old!" Talk about your future rice boy. If that was my kid I think I would have bitch slapped his teeth out.

Maybe you can work an example into your list.

[Getchasum]

Quote... Your idea of aiming a handgun is raising your arm over your head, pointing the gun away from you, and then just letting your wrist fall to the side to where the gun is almost sideway ...


You do know why they turn the gun sideways don't you???
Cause that's the way it comes out of the box.

[JeffW]

Originally posted by turbofish38
Not to hi jack your thread but:

I saw the movie "Surviving Christmas" this weekend. Movie kind of stinks, but probally the best part is when the father brings home a mint perfect looking 1970 Chevelle SS396 and he asks his teenage son "Well, What do you think?" and the stupid retard replies "It's old!" Talk about your future rice boy. If that was my kid I think I would have bitch slapped his teeth out.

Maybe you can work an example into your list.

You mean sort of like this one ? Although mine was a '69

http://home.midsouth.rr.com/wassons/.../chevelle.html