Jimmy Carter Receives 5th Award

DrTurbonicus · 12-22-2006, 04:28 PM

Jimmy Carter Wins Fifth Hokum!

By William S. Smith : 21 Dec 2006

HOLLYWOOD (SatireNewsService) --

The Academy of World Political Humor Arts and Letters (AWPHAL) today awarded comedian Jimmy (James Earl) Carter the 2006 Hokum as the year's finest political comedian.

Carter's record shattering fifth Hokum came against stiff competition from a highly regarded group of nominees.

In a statement accompanying the announcement of the award, Edith Steingehirn, President of the Academy, said, "what Jimmy Carter has accomplished with his book Palestine, Peace not Apartheid, was both comically brilliant and extraordinarily difficult. It has been an axiom of the Academy that present-day Islamic-Jihadist culture is quite beyond parody.

After all, a society that teaches its children to kill with explosives strapped to their little bodies, which executes women because they have been raped and which promises young men a brothel in heaven if they commit suicide in a certain way has gone far past the most sublime exaggeration. Attempting to caricature such a culture has generally been thought to be both pointless and impossible."

Fellow comedian and dual-Hokum winner Bill Clinton explained, "Carter was taking a big risk by entering the Middle-East Inanity comedy genre. This field has been dominated by second rate-comedians such as Yassar Arafat, the 'Assad Family Comedy Act', the 'Saudi Royal Family Variety Revue' and members of the Sayyid Qutb vaudeville school.

Not well known in the United States, these comedians have long been famous for using the same punch line for every joke, 'The Jews did it.' Jimmy Carter has adapted that cut-rate comic trope to his own side-splitting style."

Steingehirn continued: "Carter's particular comic insight in Palestine, Peace not Apartheid, was to deliberately reverse the moral standing of the characters. Israel, the only functioning, free democracy in the region becomes, in Carter's hilarious upside-down worldview, the pariah state.

The societies that practice genuine sexual, religious and ethnic apartheid - not to mention corruption and terrorism on an unimaginable scale - are characterized by Carter as victims! This is comic genius of a very high order."

Carter's comic career is a story of almost continuous success since he burst on the political scene in the mid-1970s playing a clownish U.S. President while actually holding the office.

These sustained performances earned him four consecutive Hokum awards. This unprecedented record has stood the test of time.

No other individual comic has been awarded more than two Hokums during an entire career (though an organization, the United Nations, through its various committees and "peacekeeping" efforts has won seventeen Hokums). The only two-time individual winners include Richard Nixon, Herbert Hoover, Joe McCarthy, Neville Chamberlain, Bill Clinton, Kofi Annan and Jacques Chirac.

More recently, Carter has enjoyed success in his long-running, one-man variety show "Jimmy Carter, a Farce to be Reckoned With," in which he plays a completely flummoxed, self-aggrandizing, tyrant-supporting busy-body whose foundation takes money from - and acts as a shill for - a bevy of Middle Eastern and Latin American dictators.

Last year's winner and this year's first runner-up, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, expressed both gratitude to Carter for helping his career and dismay at his second place finish in the Academy vote.

"I acknowledge Jimmy Carter's indispensable role in the creation of the long-running Mad Mullah's Murder, Mayhem and Misogyny Madcap (which won a Hokum in 1989 with its fatwa against Salman Rushdie) which gave me my start. But seriously folks, a holocaust denying conference in Tehran, Iran - attended by people who style themselves as serious scholars - isn't that one of the great comedic events in history. I even got Reuters to describe David Duke as an 'academic'!

Ahmadinejad's agent, the Ayatollah Khatami, himself a brilliant comedian (see TCS Daily - The Angina Monologues) said, "The Holocaust symposium is a burlesque that has only been approached by the United Nations in 2001 with its Zionism is Racism Conference and by lone, edgy and relatively unknown political comedians such as Noam Chomsky, Jesse Jackson and Cynthia McKinney. To present this year's Hokum to a mere scribbler as opposed to a man who, for the last year, has entertained the entire world, is an outrage. We blame it on the Jews."

Another party complaining about its failure to win the award was the House Republican Leadership. "I believe our willingness to abandon all our principles, give up on all our reform efforts and spend money like drunken Democrats should have been given greater consideration," said Tom Delay, former House Majority Whip and a wonderful comedian in his own right.

As usual, Carter refused to accept or acknowledge the award. "That is one of Jimmy Carter's great strengths as a comedian," said Steingehirn.

"He always stays in character as the tedious, buffoonish, self-aggrandizing

and sometimes even dangerous know-it-all who is actually willfully

uninformed and not really all that bright.

Notwithstanding his numerous awards, consistently maintaining this

character for over thirty years has been his greatest accomplishment."

================================================== ====

DrTurbonicus · 12-22-2006, 05:32 PM

Will Jimmy Carter please just go away?

By Burt Prelutsky
Friday, December 22, 2006

Years ago, when I still worked in advertising, I was a copywriter on the Mattel account. It should have been fun because they made toys. But it wasn’t, mainly because of all the restrictions the FCC placed on commercials aimed at children.

In one of the spots I wrote, a little boy, playing with his Mattel racing car on the floor, imagined himself leading the pack at the Indy 500. It never got produced.

Even though it would have been shot as an obvious daydream, and even though every little squirt playing with the car would imagine himself winning at the Brickyard, we weren’t permitted to show the toys doing anything they couldn’t actually do in real life.

So, how is it that nobody else ever seems to get called on the carpet for their lies and exaggerations?

How is it, for instance, that every liberal from Ted Kennedy to Jesse Jackson can get away with pretending that American blacks are still living like slaves, and that four decades after the Civil Rights Act, the only thing keeping blacks out of the cotton fields are Democrats in Washington?

How is it that every rotten movie can get away with lying about how terrific it is? And, unlike other products, they don’t come with money-back guarantees.

And, finally, how is it that Jimmy Carter,

that sanctimonious phony who was a disaster during his four years in the

White House and a disgrace in the quarter of a century since, can pass

himself off as equal parts statesman and saint?

While most of us wished that he would simply slink back to his peanut farm

after Ronald Reagan whupped his butt in ‘80, we hadn’t realized how starved

he was for the spotlight.

Recently, he has been barnstorming all over the country, peddling his book, “Palestine: Peace Not Apartheid.” Carter contends that his purpose in writing the book -- in the unlikely event it was he and not some anonymous ghost who actually put Carter’s vile thoughts on paper -- was to open a dialogue about the Middle East.

He calls upon America to take what he calls a balanced approach to the Israeli-Palestinian problem.

He claims that America unfairly favors Israel because of the Jewish lobby.

He also compares Israel to South Africa in the bad old days, equating the fence they’ve built as protection against terrorists with apartheid.

Where does one begin to deal with all the lies foisted off by Mr. Peanut?

Would he have called for a balanced approach to Germany and Czechoslovakia or Germany and Poland in the 1930s?

Would he have carried Chamberlain’s umbrella back from Munich?

Forgetting Jews in congress and the senate, why would any American, aside from Steven (“Munich”) Spielberg, find a moral equivalency between Palestinians and Israelis?

Israel keeps trying to trade land for peace, and they keep getting their school buses and pizza parlors blown up in exchange.

For people who are traditionally known to be pretty sharp when it comes to horse-trading, this doesn’t seem like a very smart way to conduct business.

But, God knows, they keep trying.

Something that Carter, who has often boasted of his close friendship with Yasser Arafat, insists on overlooking is that prior to 1948, the “Palestinians” were in fact the Jews living on the land that was the basis for the modern state of Israel.

It was land, mainly sand, they had bought at inflated prices from Arabs for over 50 years.

The fact that it is now the Arabs who are known as Palestinians is the result of a clever P.R. firm that suggested that if they wanted to picture themselves as underdogs in order to garner sympathy, they should stop calling themselves Arabs.

After all, there were only about five million Jews in Israel and about 125 million Arabs surrounding them, and calling for their extinction.

Now why on earth would Carter call for a balanced approach? After all, Israel, in spite of occasional differences with the U.S., is a staunch ally, one of the few nations that sides us with us at the U.N., and is the only western democracy in a part of the world where Islamic Nazis run wild.

Whenever I hear an American claim that he favors Arabs in this ongoing conflict, a conflict perpetuated by a people who think Hitler left the job only half-done, I wonder why.

Whenever I hear an American claim that people who treat their women like chattel; who live under theocratic rule; who oppose freedom of speech and certainly religion; who cheered and danced on 9/11 and then, for good measure, insisted that Israel was behind the attack; and who pay homage to suicide bombers; are preferable to Israelis, a people who share our values and who are exactly like us, except that they’re Jewish, I know that I’m in the presence of an anti-Semite.

Even if he happens to be a former president of the United States.

12-22-2006, 04:28 PM	#1 (permalink)
DrTurbonicus "His PSI is dropping!!" Join Date: Feb 2006 Posts: 835	Jimmy Carter Receives 5th Award Jimmy Carter Wins Fifth Hokum! By William S. Smith : 21 Dec 2006 HOLLYWOOD (SatireNewsService) -- The Academy of World Political Humor Arts and Letters (AWPHAL) today awarded comedian Jimmy (James Earl) Carter the 2006 Hokum as the year's finest political comedian. Carter's record shattering fifth Hokum came against stiff competition from a highly regarded group of nominees. In a statement accompanying the announcement of the award, Edith Steingehirn, President of the Academy, said, "what Jimmy Carter has accomplished with his book Palestine, Peace not Apartheid, was both comically brilliant and extraordinarily difficult. It has been an axiom of the Academy that present-day Islamic-Jihadist culture is quite beyond parody. After all, a society that teaches its children to kill with explosives strapped to their little bodies, which executes women because they have been raped and which promises young men a brothel in heaven if they commit suicide in a certain way has gone far past the most sublime exaggeration. Attempting to caricature such a culture has generally been thought to be both pointless and impossible." Fellow comedian and dual-Hokum winner Bill Clinton explained, "Carter was taking a big risk by entering the Middle-East Inanity comedy genre. This field has been dominated by second rate-comedians such as Yassar Arafat, the 'Assad Family Comedy Act', the 'Saudi Royal Family Variety Revue' and members of the Sayyid Qutb vaudeville school. Not well known in the United States, these comedians have long been famous for using the same punch line for every joke, 'The Jews did it.' Jimmy Carter has adapted that cut-rate comic trope to his own side-splitting style." Steingehirn continued: "Carter's particular comic insight in Palestine, Peace not Apartheid, was to deliberately reverse the moral standing of the characters. Israel, the only functioning, free democracy in the region becomes, in Carter's hilarious upside-down worldview, the pariah state. The societies that practice genuine sexual, religious and ethnic apartheid - not to mention corruption and terrorism on an unimaginable scale - are characterized by Carter as victims! This is comic genius of a very high order." Carter's comic career is a story of almost continuous success since he burst on the political scene in the mid-1970s playing a clownish U.S. President while actually holding the office. These sustained performances earned him four consecutive Hokum awards. This unprecedented record has stood the test of time. No other individual comic has been awarded more than two Hokums during an entire career (though an organization, the United Nations, through its various committees and "peacekeeping" efforts has won seventeen Hokums). The only two-time individual winners include Richard Nixon, Herbert Hoover, Joe McCarthy, Neville Chamberlain, Bill Clinton, Kofi Annan and Jacques Chirac. More recently, Carter has enjoyed success in his long-running, one-man variety show "Jimmy Carter, a Farce to be Reckoned With," in which he plays a completely flummoxed, self-aggrandizing, tyrant-supporting busy-body whose foundation takes money from - and acts as a shill for - a bevy of Middle Eastern and Latin American dictators. Last year's winner and this year's first runner-up, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, expressed both gratitude to Carter for helping his career and dismay at his second place finish in the Academy vote. "I acknowledge Jimmy Carter's indispensable role in the creation of the long-running Mad Mullah's Murder, Mayhem and Misogyny Madcap (which won a Hokum in 1989 with its fatwa against Salman Rushdie) which gave me my start. But seriously folks, a holocaust denying conference in Tehran, Iran - attended by people who style themselves as serious scholars - isn't that one of the great comedic events in history. I even got Reuters to describe David Duke as an 'academic'! Ahmadinejad's agent, the Ayatollah Khatami, himself a brilliant comedian (see TCS Daily - The Angina Monologues) said, "The Holocaust symposium is a burlesque that has only been approached by the United Nations in 2001 with its Zionism is Racism Conference and by lone, edgy and relatively unknown political comedians such as Noam Chomsky, Jesse Jackson and Cynthia McKinney. To present this year's Hokum to a mere scribbler as opposed to a man who, for the last year, has entertained the entire world, is an outrage. We blame it on the Jews." Another party complaining about its failure to win the award was the House Republican Leadership. "I believe our willingness to abandon all our principles, give up on all our reform efforts and spend money like drunken Democrats should have been given greater consideration," said Tom Delay, former House Majority Whip and a wonderful comedian in his own right. As usual, Carter refused to accept or acknowledge the award. "That is one of Jimmy Carter's great strengths as a comedian," said Steingehirn. "He always stays in character as the tedious, buffoonish, self-aggrandizing and sometimes even dangerous know-it-all who is actually willfully uninformed and not really all that bright. Notwithstanding his numerous awards, consistently maintaining this character for over thirty years has been his greatest accomplishment." ================================================== ====

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12-22-2006, 05:32 PM	#2 (permalink)
DrTurbonicus "His PSI is dropping!!" Join Date: Feb 2006 Posts: 835	Will Jimmy Carter please just go away? By Burt Prelutsky Friday, December 22, 2006 Years ago, when I still worked in advertising, I was a copywriter on the Mattel account. It should have been fun because they made toys. But it wasn’t, mainly because of all the restrictions the FCC placed on commercials aimed at children. In one of the spots I wrote, a little boy, playing with his Mattel racing car on the floor, imagined himself leading the pack at the Indy 500. It never got produced. Even though it would have been shot as an obvious daydream, and even though every little squirt playing with the car would imagine himself winning at the Brickyard, we weren’t permitted to show the toys doing anything they couldn’t actually do in real life. So, how is it that nobody else ever seems to get called on the carpet for their lies and exaggerations? How is it, for instance, that every liberal from Ted Kennedy to Jesse Jackson can get away with pretending that American blacks are still living like slaves, and that four decades after the Civil Rights Act, the only thing keeping blacks out of the cotton fields are Democrats in Washington? How is it that every rotten movie can get away with lying about how terrific it is? And, unlike other products, they don’t come with money-back guarantees. And, finally, how is it that Jimmy Carter, that sanctimonious phony who was a disaster during his four years in the White House and a disgrace in the quarter of a century since, can pass himself off as equal parts statesman and saint? While most of us wished that he would simply slink back to his peanut farm after Ronald Reagan whupped his butt in ‘80, we hadn’t realized how starved he was for the spotlight. Recently, he has been barnstorming all over the country, peddling his book, “Palestine: Peace Not Apartheid.” Carter contends that his purpose in writing the book -- in the unlikely event it was he and not some anonymous ghost who actually put Carter’s vile thoughts on paper -- was to open a dialogue about the Middle East. He calls upon America to take what he calls a balanced approach to the Israeli-Palestinian problem. He claims that America unfairly favors Israel because of the Jewish lobby. He also compares Israel to South Africa in the bad old days, equating the fence they’ve built as protection against terrorists with apartheid. Where does one begin to deal with all the lies foisted off by Mr. Peanut? Would he have called for a balanced approach to Germany and Czechoslovakia or Germany and Poland in the 1930s? Would he have carried Chamberlain’s umbrella back from Munich? Forgetting Jews in congress and the senate, why would any American, aside from Steven (“Munich”) Spielberg, find a moral equivalency between Palestinians and Israelis? Israel keeps trying to trade land for peace, and they keep getting their school buses and pizza parlors blown up in exchange. For people who are traditionally known to be pretty sharp when it comes to horse-trading, this doesn’t seem like a very smart way to conduct business. But, God knows, they keep trying. Something that Carter, who has often boasted of his close friendship with Yasser Arafat, insists on overlooking is that prior to 1948, the “Palestinians” were in fact the Jews living on the land that was the basis for the modern state of Israel. It was land, mainly sand, they had bought at inflated prices from Arabs for over 50 years. The fact that it is now the Arabs who are known as Palestinians is the result of a clever P.R. firm that suggested that if they wanted to picture themselves as underdogs in order to garner sympathy, they should stop calling themselves Arabs. After all, there were only about five million Jews in Israel and about 125 million Arabs surrounding them, and calling for their extinction. Now why on earth would Carter call for a balanced approach? After all, Israel, in spite of occasional differences with the U.S., is a staunch ally, one of the few nations that sides us with us at the U.N., and is the only western democracy in a part of the world where Islamic Nazis run wild. Whenever I hear an American claim that he favors Arabs in this ongoing conflict, a conflict perpetuated by a people who think Hitler left the job only half-done, I wonder why. Whenever I hear an American claim that people who treat their women like chattel; who live under theocratic rule; who oppose freedom of speech and certainly religion; who cheered and danced on 9/11 and then, for good measure, insisted that Israel was behind the attack; and who pay homage to suicide bombers; are preferable to Israelis, a people who share our values and who are exactly like us, except that they’re Jewish, I know that I’m in the presence of an anti-Semite. Even if he happens to be a former president of the United States.