Deep Thoughts

JohnLarkin · 02-09-2005, 11:11 AM

Deep Thoughts

“When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep, not screaming like the passengers in his car”

“Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle – ‘Take two aspirin’ and ‘Keep away from children’”

“Oh you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY and they meet at the bar”

“The problem with the designated driver program is it’s not a desirable job. If you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night drop them off at the wrong house.”

“If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life. This is without considering if there is a man on base.”

“Relationships are hard. It’s like a full time job and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give two week’s notice. There should be severance pay and the day before they leave you, they should find you a temp.”

“My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, ‘Mom, they weren’t trying to teach you to swim.’”

“A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors in that study: ‘Duh’”

“Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I’m halfway through my fish sandwich and I realize, Oh my God, I could be eating a slow learner.”

“I think that’s how Chicago got started. Bunch of people in New York said, ‘Gee, I’m enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn’t cold enough. Let’s move West.’”

“If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.”

“Sometimes I think war is God’s way of teaching us geography.”

“My parents didn’t want to move to Florida but they turned sixty and that’s the law.”

(haha, that emoticon says "sw", wonder who that is?)

“Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from the smallest to the tallest? What was the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?”

“Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same.”

“Suppose you were an idiot…and suppose you were a member of Congress…But I repeat myself…”

“Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Afghanistan.”

DCEPTCN · 02-09-2005, 12:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JohnLarkin

“I think that’s how Chicago got started. Bunch of people in New York said, ‘Gee, I’m enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn’t cold enough. Let’s move West.’”

Ain't that the truth.

Nasty Wendy · 02-09-2005, 02:52 PM

What came first fried chicken or the omlet?

02-09-2005, 11:11 AM	#1 (permalink)
JohnLarkin It's me, really Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Indy Posts: 1,850	Deep Thoughts Deep Thoughts “When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep, not screaming like the passengers in his car” “Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle – ‘Take two aspirin’ and ‘Keep away from children’” “Oh you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY and they meet at the bar” “The problem with the designated driver program is it’s not a desirable job. If you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night drop them off at the wrong house.” “If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life. This is without considering if there is a man on base.” “Relationships are hard. It’s like a full time job and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give two week’s notice. There should be severance pay and the day before they leave you, they should find you a temp.” “My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, ‘Mom, they weren’t trying to teach you to swim.’” “A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors in that study: ‘Duh’” “Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I’m halfway through my fish sandwich and I realize, Oh my God, I could be eating a slow learner.” “I think that’s how Chicago got started. Bunch of people in New York said, ‘Gee, I’m enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn’t cold enough. Let’s move West.’” “If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.” “Sometimes I think war is God’s way of teaching us geography.” “My parents didn’t want to move to Florida but they turned sixty and that’s the law.” (haha, that emoticon says "sw", wonder who that is?) “Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from the smallest to the tallest? What was the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?” “Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same.” “Suppose you were an idiot…and suppose you were a member of Congress…But I repeat myself…” “Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Afghanistan.”

02-09-2005, 02:52 PM	#3 (permalink)
Nasty Wendy Defender of the Universe Join Date: May 2001 Location: Waggaman, La. USA Posts: 10,340	What came first fried chicken or the omlet? __________________ The Turbobuicks.com FFL 2006 Champion DSR #3

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