John Kerry Declared A Saint by a Catholic Priest

[TTA89]

Pennsylvania is a key state in the upcoming presidential election. A John Kerry campaign manager made a visit to a Philadelphia parish, and told the priest "We've been getting a lot of bad publicity within the Catholic Church lately. Well, we'd like to change that, and we'd like you to say that 'John Kerry is a saint' during your sermon on Sunday. That would help us a lot."

The priest thought for a second and said that he thought it would be unseemly for him to bring politics into his sermon to the Catholics in his parish.

"Well, father, you know John Kerry is a Catholic, and we'd like to see him get some support from members of his own Church."

The priest responded that although he understood Mr. Kerry is a Catholic, he had some reservations about Mr. Kerry's performance as a Catholic.

"Well father, let me be blunt," responded the campaign manager, "This parish has been looking a little worn over the past several years, and we'll give you $50,000 for the parish if you'll just say that 'John Kerry is a saint' as a part of your sermon this Sunday. Of course, we'd like to have some press on hand to report on the event...but that would be good for the parish, too!"

At this the priest agreed to go along with what the campaign manager asked. So, on Sunday, the priest gave the sermon he planned to give, but at the end of it, he added," Now, I'd like to say a few words about Senator John Kerry who is running for President." "Of course you are all free to vote as you choose, but I'll tell you what I think about him. I think John Kerry is an arrogant, petty, two-faced, self-absorbed nit-wit. He's been a womanizer, he's a hypocrite, he is a liar, he's a cheat. He's boring to listen to as he pontificates on just about everything. He's dishonored many of the fine servicemen he went to war with. He's got the worst voting record of anybody in the Senate. He's a left-wing tool who wants us all to think he is now middle of the road and of course he's not. He's a millionaire who talks like he understands the problems poor people have. He's a poser, he's spineless, he's more concerned about looking good than being good. I think he is a terrible example of a Catholic in politics. He deserts Catholic values whenever our principles become inconvenient for him to support. He wants everything both ways, and he thinks we're either too stupid or too short of memory to have him figured out. But I will say one thing for him, compared to Ted Kennedy and Bill Clinton, John Kerry is a saint."

[ULYCYC]

[Racer X]

I don't think that's true. I mean a Catholic Priest calling him a tool?!?

[Steve Wood]