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12-12-2001, 05:39 PM
| #1 (permalink) |
| A Cornucopia of Goodness  Join Date: May 2001 Location: Serving time in the prison of life
Posts: 20,669
|  I Erase Firebirdie 1252! Due to his cartoonish behavior, I knew that I had to end his existance. Further, I realized from his posts, that he would take more erasing than the normal #2 pencil could provide. A bundle of pencils banded together with rubber bands was a possible alternative, but not practical, as I would need at least 1000 of them. Thus, I needed a custom made Eraser of immense proportions for this huge and important task. For this literal "rubbing out" to be done correctly, it had to be done as painfully as possible, preferrably a slow and agonizing pain. This would be in inverse proportion to the amount of pleasure I would devise from his erasure. I also required that the erasing be clean. I didn't want one of those smeary erasings where firebird would leave smudges all over the place. Neatness counts. I wanted a clean and complete erasing. I contacted The Goodyear Tire and Rubber Company about the possibility of a giant firebird eraser. They agreed to the construction, but the price was quite prohibitive. I then contacted HO GUNG WA giant eraser company of Bejing, China. This was more to my liking! They only paid their workers in dirt and gravels, so the cost of labor resulted in a very reasonably priced giant eraser, even with shipping costs. I eagerly awaited my giant erasers arrival. Then one magical day it arrived. What a beauty! Ten Feet tall, 1200lbs of Chinese erasing might! I cut down a telephone pole to use as a giant pencil substitute, loaded it up on my flatbed truck and headed to New York. I drove to the nutty section of town and waited outside of "the Birds" house. This was going to be beautiful! The world would be a much better place without him, and I might have enough eraser left to "rub out" some of my other enemies. An erasing orgy! I was somewhat aroused at the thought. Just at the break of dawn, I saw a set of beady little eyes shining in the open doorway of birdies house. He peered out, as if he knew someone was waiting. Come out! Come out! I couldn't wait! My heart couldn't take this anymore! After what seemed like an hour, he showed himself. He was less than 10 feet away from me as I hid in the bushes. He mumbled "Hmmmm...I don't remember that telephone pole being there!" Then I jumped him! I went into an erasing frenzy! Up and down, around and around I erased! I yelled "die you spelling impaired demon, die, die!" I laughed maniacally as I completed my task. The bird was gone! Or was he? He was not! My eraser was completely used up, and yet he stood there still! "Hi Zap," he said "I'm glad you are here, you can show me where the heater control valve is!" Arrrrggggg! That cheap Chinese Eraser had fallen apart and The Bird was still alive. Moral of the Story: Don't order giant Erasers from the Chinese. In an hour you'll just need another one.
__________________ Currently between birth and death. |
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12-12-2001, 05:46 PM
| #2 (permalink) | |
| Registered User Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: Orlando, Florida
Posts: 1,156
|  Quote:
Due to his cartoonish behavior, I knew that I had to end his existence. "die you spelling impaired demon, die, die" Yes, indeed, we're waiting........ ------------------ MJ 
__________________ MJ | |
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12-12-2001, 05:57 PM
| #3 (permalink) |
| A Cornucopia of Goodness Join Date: May 2001 Location: Serving time in the prison of life
Posts: 20,669
|  All spelling errors are intentional and are designed to ellicit responses from those grammatically uptight, anatomically deficient board members. Freud was right, it is an attempt to compensate!
__________________ Currently between birth and death. |
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12-12-2001, 08:05 PM
| #4 (permalink) | |
| An American American  Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: East of Eden, Texas
Posts: 35,722
| Quote:
There may be two m's in grammatical but there sure as heck ain't two L's in elicit. I am sure if you continue to attempt to ape Gallagher, your sophomoric attempts at humor will be declared illicit, however. Having observed you, in what you refer to, as action, I have come to the conclusion that you would make an amusing liberal radio talk show host from Massachusetts if you would but go out on the bridge with Senator Kennedy.
__________________ ------------------ 'A government that is big enough to give you everything you want, is also big enough to take away everything you have.' - Thomas Jefferson I think one should worry more when people are lining up to get out of a country rather than into it. If they're sneaking in, we must be doing something right. The Chronicles of Zap, from the early 21st century www.vortexbuicks-etc.com   | |
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12-12-2001, 10:04 PM
| #5 (permalink) |
| A Cornucopia of Goodness Join Date: May 2001 Location: Serving time in the prison of life
Posts: 20,669
| Well, now we know which board members need a little help (as if we didn't know already). A little overcompensation, if you ask me. Why lash out at me for natures cruelty?
__________________ Currently between birth and death. |
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12-13-2001, 11:45 AM
| #6 (permalink) | |
| Registered User Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: Orlando, Florida
Posts: 1,156
| Quote:
__________________ MJ | |
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12-13-2001, 12:49 PM
| #8 (permalink) |
| An American American Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: East of Eden, Texas
Posts: 35,722
| I hope you are not being compensated by the hour. It would certainly be a case of over compensation.
__________________ ------------------ 'A government that is big enough to give you everything you want, is also big enough to take away everything you have.' - Thomas Jefferson I think one should worry more when people are lining up to get out of a country rather than into it. If they're sneaking in, we must be doing something right. The Chronicles of Zap, from the early 21st century www.vortexbuicks-etc.com |
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12-13-2001, 04:46 PM
| #10 (permalink) |
| An American American Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: East of Eden, Texas
Posts: 35,722
| One of us is being short changed!
__________________ ------------------ 'A government that is big enough to give you everything you want, is also big enough to take away everything you have.' - Thomas Jefferson I think one should worry more when people are lining up to get out of a country rather than into it. If they're sneaking in, we must be doing something right. The Chronicles of Zap, from the early 21st century www.vortexbuicks-etc.com |
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12-13-2001, 06:18 PM
| #11 (permalink) |
| An American American Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: East of Eden, Texas
Posts: 35,722
| Apparently genetic in your case
__________________ ------------------ 'A government that is big enough to give you everything you want, is also big enough to take away everything you have.' - Thomas Jefferson I think one should worry more when people are lining up to get out of a country rather than into it. If they're sneaking in, we must be doing something right. The Chronicles of Zap, from the early 21st century www.vortexbuicks-etc.com |
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12-13-2001, 06:33 PM
| #12 (permalink) | |
| I'm the Best!  Join Date: May 2001 Location: farmingville ny
Posts: 12,384
 | Quote:
__________________ Rob 87 GN fully loaded.. learning to walk again  03 vw GTI- stock... for now 04 SC/MCSS 14.89 gone  "But the day may come when you've got something to lose, and just when you think you're done paying dues And you say to yourself, dear God what Have I done? And hope its not too late 'cause tomorrow may never come."  | |
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12-13-2001, 06:56 PM
| #14 (permalink) |
| I'm the Best! Join Date: May 2001 Location: farmingville ny
Posts: 12,384
| uh.. no ------------------ Rob 87 GN fully loaded with 84k TA49 Ultra Flow exhaust Cold air induction 3" DP T-Link comming soon shooting for low 13's high 12's
__________________ Rob 87 GN fully loaded.. learning to walk again 03 vw GTI- stock... for now 04 SC/MCSS 14.89 gone "But the day may come when you've got something to lose, and just when you think you're done paying dues And you say to yourself, dear God what Have I done? And hope its not too late 'cause tomorrow may never come." |
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